Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Thoughts for the new year

I'm getting ahead of myself, I know. The year is not over. It's not even Christmas yet. Well hold on to your hats before you steam them off. Jeesh. So anyway, before this year ends, I wanted to make a new year's promise: I will try not to write about the poop that people yell at me while I walk down the street.

I mean gaw, I hardly even post on this blog and it seems that every other post is related to something some moron said to me in the street. How interesting can it be after a while? But the thing is, in the moment it feels like the most interesting thing in the world because
1. I am self centered
2. racial comments seem culturally relevant
3. I need something to write about in my blog and sometimes when I'm mad I write something more interesting than I would have were I happy and content. Maybe I should work on this.
4. Does this list even relate to why I started this list?
5. Orange Juice

So, I figured, this will be the last post about "what someone said to me while I was walking down the street" (for now, at least...I am trying).
And here goes...
I was turning a corner this morning near my block and almost ran into a man who startled me. Our eyes met and he said "Hi Chinee". There. Somehow it feels better to write that. Hi Chinee. I wanted to get that out there. Hi Chinee. It rhymes. It's poetry. It's beautiful and it is something I will have dreams about. A crusty man saying "Hi Chinee" to me as he toasts me a bagel and lovingly spreads scallion cream cheese on my bagel. That sounds more perverted than it needed to be. The point is, I got that off my chest. Someone said those actual words to me. Unfortunately I did not have a good comeback to that. I'm horrible with comebacks. The best I could come up with was "Hey asshole", but that's not poetic. It lacks something.
How about:
"No thanks"
"Merry Christmas"
"Pigs in a blanket mofo"

I think I like the last one best. When is the last time you had a delicious pig in a blanket? I remember when I did, and what a memory it was. I was at a Bar Mitzvah party book release and I bit into the pig in it's blanket and the pig was wrapped in plastic. I ate it anyway. Man, I just made that pleasant thought a bad memory. I'm good at that.

But I swear, I'm doing just fine. I'm eating Goji berries. So really, it's okay.
And here's to less talking about inappropriate things people yell at me in the new year.

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