Friday, July 07, 2006

Kristin Cavallari are you my sister?

I hate to admit that for the five seconds I had cable, I watched Laguna Beach. It's shameful to admit really. Watching the lives of these bland beautiful rich people and the teen drama. Oh the drama. I enjoyed it. What can I say? The tiniest part of me identified with the kids of Laguna Beach...the part of me that wished I grew up near the beach, had $$$ and a mane of beautiful blonde hair. Hell I'm not blonde and I grew up way inland, far from the fair beaches of Laguna, but I still yearned. And somehow, even though my life in Arcadia was very different from Kristin Cavallari and her friends, somehow I am just like her since we are both from Southern California and people will associate me with the first Californinan they can think of which will inevitably be Kristin Cavallari...even though she is technically from Orange County and I am from Los Angeles County. Oh the things people from LA county say about people from the OC. (We say they are rich and from the beach, and those things are true.)

Yesterday as I was about to purchase a beer at my local watering hole, I was asked to present my ID. Even though I have lived in New York for a few years, I have yet to obtain a New York ID. This must be illegal somehow, but I am too lazy to make the effort, plus I love that my California ID has a picture of me from when I was 17. The picture is amazing. I look like someone punched me in the face and then they took the picture.

In any case, the fair bar maiden took a look at my ID and said "Oh Arcadia, I've never been there". Since I was feeling a bit chatty, I replied "Oh? So you've been to California?"
-Oh I'm from California.
-Oh yeah? Where are you from?
-The East Bay.
-Oh cool, the Bay Area. I love the Bay Area.
-Yeah. Where is Arcadia?
-Oh it's in Southern California.
-Oh. I've never been to Los Angeles. I'm afraid to go down there.

What the fuck? Seriously. First off imagine her saying this with the strongest of Valley Girl accents. What is she talking about? She's afraid to go there? Is it because she's afraid of the riots? That was more than a decade ago. Is she afraid that the people of Los Angeles will suck the culture out of her?
She continued.

-Haven't you heard about the rivalry between Northern and Southern California?
-Yeah, but I think it's more about people in Northern California hating people in Southern California. Everyone I know from Southern California loves Northern California.
-Interesting. Very interesting.

Wait, really? Is it interesting? I don't find it interesting. I just find you really stupid. I have no idea why this woman made me so mad. I hate regionalism, that is why. Where there is an "ism" in the world, I will fight it. I think I also hate this conversation. Who cares? But I guess if she was from Fresno I'd laugh a little inside. Ha Fresno, the armpit of America. That place sucks.

I can only assume this Northern Californian resented me and Kristin because we represent a whimsy, a sort of careless beach attitude. We love being sun kissed and we love wearing the breeziest of cotton dresses and bikinis without a care in the world while we wait in line for our Vanilla Ice blendeds from the Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf while our little chihuahua softly coos and naps in our tanned arms. I can't fault her for her ignorance and hate. I can only say, "Kristin, you and me babe." That's all I know how to say. That is all I have been taught to say.


Brandy For Sale. said...

Yamamoto, you are my hero.

West Coast REPRA! 619!

Lianne Stokes said...

Babe, I was standing next to you. I met this girl. She had a huge ass and crooked bangs. She was a dejected hipster. The Vanilla Ice Blended!!!!! I LOVE that stuff! That was one of my faves from LALA! We need to talk about that. I made my friend take pics of me in the Bean drinking it. And, I hate coffee.

Is that how you spell "crooked?" You tell me.